- #MARKSTER CON BASH OF THE EMPIRE MOVIE#
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Hitler had a full mustache, which he whittled away, first on one side of the nose then the other trying to create precise order, or exact Nazi uniformity of lip hair on each side of said nose (schnozzle in Yiddish). I mean, hell, once you’re on The Toilet Paper Blacklist you can pretty much kiss your ass goodbye.
No matter what armchair philosophers say: that which doesn’t kill you doesn’t necessarily make you stronger - it can make you crazy, catatonic, or married - but as an avid newspaper reader Otto became more erudite, wiser - learned - and a better haggler when buying fish (wrapped in newspaper) than he had ever been before.ĭespite this, the recent Supreme Court ruling that struck down a “person’s legitimate right to fair and equitable access to purchase toilet paper from any vendor or source that sells or provides toilet paper to anyone, unless the seller doesn’t freaking feel like it for any arbitrary reason of prejudice, hatred, or speculative slander,” was a real bummer. So, Otto started reading the papers before he used them (sometimes, after he used them, he complained that the newspapers were full of sh-t). This discovery led to another discovery, and another in fact, there were stories, headlines, columns, cartoons, exposes, all kinds of information, and other cool stuff in the freakin newspapers. While newspapers aren’t as form-fitting-cuddly as Charmin, Otto did notice that they had printed words on them. This, of course, is where things got interesting: So, he tried newspapers: the New York Times, the Klondike Sun, the Fresno Bee… Obviously, given the situation, he had to adapt (and quickly). After months of dragging his "you know what" and he still couldn’t break the bathroom tissue blacklist - not in Rio, Bonn, Toledo, Darwin, Mumbai, or Bangor - he grew desperate. That’s when this happened: no matter where he attempted to buy a roll of toilet paper the vendor was either out of stock or didn’t know what it was.Īfter a couple of weeks without toilet paper Otto started to drag his, uh, you know what. After he found himself being followed around by nondescript men also wearing raincoats and fedoras he started wearing Bermuda shorts. Otto found himself on a super-secret international blacklist of toilet paper buyers/users for undisclosed secret reasons that may have been about his penchant for wearing a London Fog raincoat and Stetson fedora in Midwest sporting supply outlets specializing in croquet equipment and related acrobatics, or because he was an Independent. I'm relatively old: I was married for 18 years my ex-wife and I have two children that grew up in New England, my daughter is a college student and my son is in the Navy. Though, not always identified, some of the following shorts have been published in the U.S. My last published short story appeared in the Honest Ulsterman, Northern Ireland (the summer of 2018) but is not in this list. I worked as a cartoonist and columnist in the 20th Century, my work appeared in publications from Maine to California. If your nonprofit organization has a blurb in the following section and you wish it removed for any reason you can reach me at the site's contact section or at I will remove the ad. Please see Buy a T-shirt section for original t-shirts, slogans, cartoons.
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If you like any of the following work, stories, download any, and wish to donate $ to the continued life of this site, its author and its technical and photography support team, please send check to 200 P Street/ A-32, Sacramento, California 95814, payable to Kevin O'Kendley.
#MARKSTER CON BASH OF THE EMPIRE MOVIE#
Nick/ Wee Men/ Two Strong Men/ Caterina Zutzcu and the Three-Legged Dog/ The Porta-Potty Peeper/ The Only Freakin Normal Guy in Town/ Hoity Toity (Chapter 2, Otis Moon)/ Beirut/ The Birth of Her Caitness/ Jackalopes and Househusbands/ The Three Almost Wise Men/ Charlie Chan Movie Review/ The Garden of the Beasts Book Review/ Carl of Hollywood/ Travel the World For National Geographic Book Review/ Electronic Friggin Banshees (creative nonfiction)/ Lucky Louie/ Jimmy Cagney and Father O'Hara: pictures of two friends. McTavish/ The Taverna/ I'm Not A Real Mawtch-Ho Man/ Moon Over Reno (Chapter One)/ The Playground/ America (an essay on America)/ The Carbuncle/ Absolute Chaos: The Pascal Leemur Caper/ Ready or Not Here Comes Eva/ American Hockey Players/ St. Mondavi's Ride Home/ The Desert/ The Prisoner (creative nonfiction)/ The Bad Guys/ The Alley/ North Butte/ The Old Dog on the Hill/ The Invisible War (a.k.a.The Forgotten War)/ The Lost Man and the Dog/ The Sochi Olympics/ Ms. Scroll down: all shorts, short stories, articles, essays are original, protected by intellectual property laws.įollowing: The Blacklist/ HItler's Schnozzle/ Poverty/ Kingdom of Tootsie (Romanoff Goats)/ Toobie or Not Toobie/ Westside Plumber's Association/ Captain Chris/ Autumn/ China's Trade Attack/ Hubert/ Dangerfield's Drum/ Three Travelers/ The Neighborhood/ Poodle's Cardroom/ Port Moresby at Three a.m.
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